Bila Kewarasan Hanya Mainan

Once we fight for our right,
Fight for our belief.

Someday, we'll fight just to live.

Mata yang melihat mendahului akal,
Sekali terlihat tunduk tersipu,
Mata tertunduk hati menjengkal,
Lalu akal berkias merayu.

Love – It’s Just Stabbing a Torn through Your heart

LOVE, A four letter words that people say mystical. Heck with it, Love Is Pain.
Love is just like stabbing a torn through your heart. But still everyone's doing it. To be in love is to take another person as you. To acknowledge, to care, to ‘be with’ everyday, to take the other person’s though as yours, which might be contradict with what you are and it is kinda vexing. Yet Humans are coping, cause its worth it.

Yes, Love is like having a torn in you heart. That is why we wont just let anyone stab it. We humans will make sure that we have the right novacaine, which is just right for us. To make sure it is strong enough for us to bare the pain not too strong or we won’t feel the joyful pain.

Cor2upting will be continued….

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

You are where you belong,
but the only thing belong to me is you,
stranded in a place i know little off,
surrounded by those who thinks they know me.

i hate those who know less then they claim,
over selling and then drag others to the bidding,
i'm trying to be nice, trust me i do,
just because the truth is to much for them to bear.
i use to just tell what i feel, when i feel it,
tell me what i'm wrong and ill listen,
but condemn on what is not ill scream.
no filters where i came from and they knew it...
they understand me.
but your world, it would be dreadful,
they are too fragile.

but holding back hurt me,
i want to scream but i kept silent,
being docile is not me but i'm living it,
so please, i need you to be with me,
don't rip the cut, cure it,
i don't want to be singing melody of the cursed,
but i might explode.

this is my stand,
i am my own manipulator,
i hate being manipulate,
i see through most,
don't try me with cheap trick.

Penantian,
semakin hampir waktunya,
semakin jauh terasa,
berakhir hari bukan penutup waktu,
tidur malam hanya rehat seketika.

Kecamuk,
takut menanti waktu,
teruja menunggu masa,
lambat kan lah hari,
cepatkan lah esok,
risau, tapi hati tak sabar.

Satu,
engkau yang pertama,
pengukur si dua,
indah kah dunia,
cerahkah sinarnya.

Hidup,
satu, dua, menunggu tiga,
hidupku bukan milik ku,
hidup kita bukan hak,
pinjaman, ujian.

Esok,
akan kunanti dengan sabar,
akan kutempuh tiba masa,
tiada solalan tanpa jawapan,
tiada masalah tanpa penyelesaian,
tidak akan diberi kesusahan,
tanpa kita mampu mengharunginya.

Kukenal hatiku,
bagai si pengukir dengan urat kayunya,
si nelayan dengan jalanya,
tapi bila hatiku disapa,
aku terkesima, hatiku terpersona.
Sekali tersapa hati terpalit,
hilang dimata hati tertanya,
jalan meredah tebing yang lecak,
menuju jambatan adakah didepan?
Jambatan dituju kaki berlumpur,
tersilap menapak jatuh terduduk,
bingkas bangun terus berlari,
hati melangkau upaya kaki.
Hujung jambatan kaki terpaku,
mulut kelu hati tersipu,
akal mengerti apa dituju,
padang hijau destinasi hatiku.

Promise, yes everybody makes them. Well even I do. But I’m not very fond of these heart relief words. I don’t know why, maybe because I no longer trust them, I rarely make promises.

“Ok kot”, “Tgk ah”, “Kalau aku ada, aku ada”, “Kalau aku free aku pergi”, these words always juggling through my mouth. And most of the time there are better than promises by others.

“Tengok ah” for me is a promise to do if I can, if nothing else happen, if I’m not dead. I mean there will always be variables that I can’t control. Fate, death, these are not for us humans to decide and I mistakenly take these into consideration when making my promise.

Maybe because others don’t care about these “inconstant, uncontrollable variables”, that they easily make promises. Maybe because they don’t really care about keeping their words, that they spread it without hesitations. And I, who bluntly trust, trapped inside these worlds of fakes.

My words are my pride and my pride is the essence of me. I do break promises, I to have to lie, but breaking my own words is like breaking something I hold dear. And I really really hate breaking it.

My life has been spent knowing this. Knowing that others don’t see promises like I do. But my hard head pride force me to be what I want to, do what I need to. Usually I just bluntly gave my trust at first accountant and wait to see if it’s broken. Marking those who breaks them, and hold dear to those who don’t. And trust me, it is rare to hold. And unless I have a reason to, those who have been marked will no longer have my trust, my respect.

With this attitude, I actually have one problem. I’m lousy at making promises. I don’t know how to consult. I don’t know even if I want to, even if a really need to.

I do realize I have to make promises, but when it really counts, I blurred, speechless. If only my heart could talk, she would sing what is inside.

She will not promise her the world, because she knows it’s not mine to give. But she is sure that I would scrap my world and turn them into spare parts for hers, because she knows how I want the two worlds to be together.

She won’t promise her my life because my life is not mine to give. But she knew that I will put them in front of the line if she need it.

I want to promise everything she wants to hear but words are cheap and I don’t know how to sell, or I don’t even know if they are worth selling.